Redefining Success Beyond Expectations and Embracing Growth

Have you ever felt like your world was completely turned upside down, only to realize it was exactly what you needed?

If you’re anything like me, you might have a crippling fear of failure that keeps you from trying anything new or stepping outside your comfort zone. After all, what if you fall? Sometimes, I feel like falling is the scariest thing that could happen.

But what if you fly? What if, instead of falling, you soar? What if you take the risk and actually succeed? It sounds too simple, right? I don’t want to downplay the fear, the success, or the process, but overcoming these fears may be easier than we imagine. We sometimes let real or perceived expectations—whether from ourselves or others—build up, and these anxieties can paralyze us from taking action. I think many of these self-imposed barriers stem from how we define success.

Success is a loaded word, often tied to the American Dream:

A home with a white picket fence… material wealth… 2.5 kids… a perfect marriage… a corner office… luxury cars in the driveway… 

It’s a cookie-cutter lifestyle that’s supposedly achievable for everyone. But this ideal doesn’t just fail to align with some lives—it also doesn’t leave space for identities and lifestyles that fall outside of its narrow scope. And we can become jaded when we don’t fit into this rigid mold. The truth is, this ideal isn’t a “one size fits all” model. For some of us, it’s just not in the cards—and that’s perfectly okay!

From Dream Job to Burnout

Throughout my life, I’ve had many dreams and come close to achieving them, even reaching significant milestones. Yet, I haven’t “made it big”—whatever that means. Recently, I had a job that seemed like a dream: a remote marketing role in book publishing that allowed me to travel. The pay was lower than I wanted, and the genre wasn’t my favorite, but it was a trade-off. I saw it as a stepping stone, not a forever job.

However, things quickly went downhill. Every bit of travel was bogged down by work; I was working over 40 hours a week, and I still couldn’t keep up with the demands. Around the same time, I lost three family members in less than a month, and the compounded grief, coupled with no time to process it, led to significant burnout. When I tried to set boundaries and communicate my needs, I was told, “This isn’t working,” and given two weeks’ notice that my job was ending. It was a blow—I had never been let go from a job before. I pride myself on the strong work ethic (arguably workaholic tendencies) that I was raised with, exemplified by my father, so imagine how unmoored I felt by this experience. I had failed. I had worked my ass off, tried my best, and still stumbled and ended up falling flat on my face.

Looking back, this experience forced me to confront the idea of failure in a new way. It showed me that even when you give everything you have, things can still fall apart. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe, sometimes, falling flat on your face is just part of the journey.

From Fear to Flight: Redefining Success

An author I worked with recently told me a story about confronting her fears by doing things that scared her—like skydiving. She shared how her flight was incredibly turbulent, with conditions so rough they probably shouldn’t have been in the air. But she had worked up the courage and knew that if she didn’t make the jump that day, she might never do it. Despite the risks, she insisted on going through with it. Her tandem jump started off okay, but when it was time to release their parachutes, there was a hiccup, and she ended up hitting the ground, stumbling, and falling on her face. Though physically unharmed, she mentally beat herself up for a long time because she didn’t land the jump the way she was supposed to. But weeks later, she realized something important—she did the thing! She faced her fear, took the leap, and made it out relatively okay. Isn’t that a success in its own right?

In high school, I often heard the quote, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” It always seemed like a nice, warm, inspirational saying. But after hearing the author’s story about her own struggles, the quote took on new meaning for me. I’ve spent my life aiming for the next big thing, but even with every milestone, I struggled to celebrate my wins.

I was the first of my eleven siblings to graduate from high school, the first to attend and complete a four-year university, and the first—and so far, only one—in my family to earn a Master’s degree. Along the way, I earned an award and saw my poems and thesis published, milestones that marked significant recognition of my work and passion. These accomplishments would be a big deal to most people. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a big deal to me, too—but I’m still not where I want to be. I’ve always struggled to acknowledge these as successes when I have yet to “arrive” at the destination, so to speak.

My mindset has been evolving in recent years. It started in grad school when one of my beloved professors coyly asked from the front of a classroom, “How do you define success?” At the time, my answer was focused on living authentically and finding fulfillment in my work—values I still hold dear. However, what has changed is my understanding that success isn’t just about achieving external milestones or living up to expectations. It’s about embracing the journey, finding contentment in growth, and recognizing that true success lies in how aligned I am with my values and the life I’m building, not in the titles, income, or societal measures of success. I’ve come to realize that success is deeply personal and fluid, shaped more by how I feel about my life than by what others might see.

There’s still work to be done, but my journey continues. I’m now reframing my ‘failure’ as a win, recognizing the tremendous growth from the people-pleasing, scared little girl I used to be. This experience revealed my incredible courage and trust in the Universe to step into something new and unknown, knowing I’ll be taken care of. This setback was precisely what I needed to propel me to my subsequent successes. After all, it brought me to Unencumbered Press, and I count that as a win!

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from my story, it’s this: Sometimes, what feels like failure may be the beginning of something more significant, and embracing who you are and the path you’re on is the ultimate success.